He says, She says: 13 secrets to make it to your 13th anniversary (even beyond)

There are countless articles about this topic when you search it on Google. Admit it: when you read about these things, you make a checklist or a mental note of what applies to you and what does not, what you can do and what you can just ignore.

Since we’re in a long-term relationship, our friends would usually consult us on how to go about with their own lovelife. We’d like to believe we’re already experts on the topic, but that will make us stop learning about love and discovering things about each other. Truth be told, we’re also constantly working on making our relationship work—yes, even to this day because that’s just how it is. Our relationship is not perfect; it’s actually a never-ending work in progress. 

As we celebrate our 13th anniversary, we’d like to share 13 secrets that have helped us get to where we are right now in our relationship. You can do the checklist thing, but at least you’re assured that these things worked for us. 

1. Be the best of friends.

He says: We find great joy in doing simple things together, just like true-blooded BFFs. We are there for each other during our high and low points because we know how important it is when you know that someone cares. We’re very comfortable with each other that we can tell each other things that other people won’t even dare tell us. That’s the great thing about having a best friend: I know that whatever happens to me, she’s got my back. And I got hers. Always.

Best friends forever: Chot and Jerni.

Chocolate Hills in Bohol, 2010.

2. Differences? Accept and adjust.

She says: He’s quiet and reserved, I can’t last 5 minutes without talking. He adores LeBron, I have a huge crush on Kobe. He’s patience personified, I get irritated when I wait. We are on the opposite sides of the magnet. But that’s the beauty of it: remember that opposite sides of the magnet attract.  It also adds spice to the relationship, especially when you “trash talk” each other’s basketball team. Learn to accept your differences and use them to learn more about each other. Use a double-A battery (Acceptance and Adjustment) when dealing with low-power scenarios such as personal differences. Get it?

Kobe or LeBron? We saw them both here in Manila!

3. Love each other’s family and friends.

She says: A you-and-me-against-the-world love story may be romantic, but only to a certain point. It’s happier to have each other’s family and friends approve of the relationship—and support it all the way! Chot and I love spending quality time with our families. That’s also one thing I admire the most about him: his utmost respect and love for his parents and eight siblings. A preview of what he will be when he decides to have his own family!

With my family: Boracay, 2013. 

With his family: Nuvali, 2013.

We also make it a point to get to know each other’s friends by spending time with them (even traveling with them). I still discover a lot about him by simply being friends with his friends. My girl friends are comfortable having him around because they, too, love him. My little brothers, who mean the world to me, also love him because he treats them as if they are his own baby brothers. How can you not love a guy whom your family and friends love?

With his college barkada: Balicasag Island in Bohol, 2010.

With my college barkada: Festival Mall, 2011.

With his high school barkada: Alabang Town Center, 2013.

With my high school barkada: Loboc in Bohol, 2010.

4. Always say ‘I love you’ and mean it.

He says: Saying “I love you” doesn’t have to be an automatic thing. When you say it, make sure that you mean it. I say “I love you” because I want her to know how grateful I am for having her in my life. Why get into a relationship when you cannot and do not want to express your love for the other person? These three words is a lifetime validation of my love for this amazing girl and I will never tire of telling her how I feel about her.

Saying it with Mer-Nel's.

5. Remember important dates.

She says: Wonder why your girlfriend is mad at you when you don’t even remember doing anything naughty? Studies have shown that men are really poor with dates. But I beg to disagree. Men who are truly, madly, deeply in love with you will remember important dates (anniversary, birthday, movie date, among others). Celebrating monthsaries can be cheesy for some. But it has worked for us. Since we became a couple, never once did we let a monthsary pass without celebrating it. Yes, in all 13 years!

Valentine's Day, 2014.

A long-stemmed rose and healthy dinner to celebrate our 147th monthsary.

6. Find time to really sit down and talk.
He says: Every day is a struggle to survive the rat race. We are so busy trying to beat deadlines, finish meetings or submit reports. Because we are always in a hurry, we often resort to online tools to communicate with each other. There’s nothing wrong with that. But in our fast-paced life, we sometimes forget that quantity time is as important as quality time. We treasure moments in the car when we would tell each other about our day as much as we cherish weekends spent together getting a massage, pigging out and just discussing anything. By constantly talking to each other, you discover a lot about your significant other. So drop that gadget and start talking now.

Lobo Beach in Batangas, 2012.

7. Never let other people join in your fights.

He says: Keep private things private. Although you let other people in your life, don’t give them the passes to be involved in your quarrels. I know a lot of people who rant about their misunderstandings with their partner on social media. If you haven’t noticed yet, let me tell you: turning to social media (which is public and therefore open to comments, interpretations and suggestions) is a recipe for disaster. Solve your issues privately. There are things better kept between the two of you. Trust us on this one.

Apology accepted. 

8. Share lessons on love.

She says: If there are things you can share with other people, these are the nuggets of wisdom you gained from being in the relationship. You’ll never know, a simple advice could be the lifeline of a relationship that is on the rocks. If you think your experience can be of help to others, then go ahead and share it. You are reading this post because we believe that you may be able to pick up a lesson or two from our experiences as a couple.

Marriott Hotel Manila, 2013. 

9. Be happy for each other’s triumphs.

He says: We enjoy celebrating our accomplishments and achievements. Whether it’s a simple takeout lunch or a sit-down dinner, we toast to our triumphs. I do not subscribe to the belief that men should always be more successful than their partner. It did not make me less of a man when I took on the role of her “driver” and “escort” on special occasions like the launch of the book she edited or events she’s part of. I am sincerely proud of her as she has been my inspiration to fulfill my own dreams. She encourages me to become my own person and be a better version of myself every time. Be each other’s source of positivity and you’ll surely celebrate more happy times.

Surviving the dual zipline in Dahilayan Park in Bukidnon, 2013.

Jumping for joy in Coron, 2012. 

10. Do things together, especially traveling.

He says: In relationships, it’s important to invest in memories. Although we have different interests, we make it a point to spend time doing these things together. Case in point: just recently, we were both glued to the TV but we were watching different shows (mine’s the PBA Finals, hers was Asia’s Next Top Model). Different shows, different TV sets, different areas of the house (I was in the living room, she was in her room), but we were holding hands while watching.

Discovering Luzon: (Top to bottom) Baguio, 2011; Punta Fuego, 2011; and Legaspi in Albay, 2009.

Over the years, we’ve realized that if there’s one thing that brings us closer as a couple, it’s traveling. Her passion to explore places has obviously rubbed off on me. She introduced me to Mr. Airplane several years ago when I joined her on a trip to Naga. That was the first of our many travels together. As a couple, we've alredy discovered amazing and breathtaking places and basked in their beauty (in random order): Boracay, Bohol, Palawan, Cebu, Iloilo, Guimaras, Sorsogon, Baguio, Cagayan de Oro, Camiguin, Bukidnon, among many others.

Invading Visayas: (Top to bottom) Miag-ao Church in Iloilo, 2011; Guimaras, 2011; and Oslob in Cebu, 2012.

Perhaps testament to our love for traveling is our decision to celebrate our 13th anniversary here in the island paradise of Boracay. Travel with your partner because more than the destination, you will discover a lot about her.

Exploring Mindanao: (Top to bottom) White water rafting in Cagayan de Oro, 2013; and Camiguin, 2013.

11. Take care of each other’s health.

She says: You obviously can’t make it to your 13th anniversary if you don’t get your health on the right track. I’ve found it’s important for couples to remind each other about their health—food choices, exercise time, sleeping habits, meal time, among others. It’s pretty cool when your boyfriend sends you links to health tips every day on Facebook because—snap, snap—you are at least assured that he wants you to stay in his life for a long period.

Jogging, more fun when you do it together.

Ice skating, too.

12. Talk about the future.

He says: You don’t need to be allergic to discussions about the future. There is no point in committing to a relationship if you don’t look at the long term. When I decided to court her, I knew I wanted to be with her for a long, long, long time. Even when we were just a fairly new couple, we would share with each other our individual dreams and plans. As years passed by, we slowly started mapping out our dreams as a couple. There was no pressure, it just happened almost automatically. I guess planning for the future becomes more exciting when you know you'll be seeing the realizations of those plans with the love of your life.

Daranak Falls in Tanay, Rizal, 2011.

13. Pray together.

Need we say more? Put God at the center of your relationship. It may sound cliche but it is very, very true. And effective, too. Together, we thank and praise God for the amazing feeling of falling in love and most importantly, staying in love.

Spiritual retreat in Tagaytay, 2013.

Basilica de Sto. Nino in Cebu, 2012.

***

We’re not saying you have to do all these to make your relationship work. We cannot guarantee that. What we can only vouch for is that these things have worked for us in the last 13 years. 

No relationship is perfect. We even had arguments while this post was underway. But at the end of the day, it feels great knowing that you’re sharing your life with someone who is as imperfect as you are yet accepts and loves you for just the way you are. 

Happy 13th to us! We wish you more love in your life.

LUCKY 13: And we're back to Boracay for our anniversary!